For the past couple of weeks I have been leaning toward becoming exclusively reclusive. I am the type of person anyways who likes my own personal space and I like it a certain way. If something comes along unplanned that clutters, disturbs or disrupts my space in anyway I get completely frazzled. I really don't remember being this bad in high school, but after having a home and trying to maintain a semblance of order with three kids, it has gotten considerably worse. Just within the past couple of days I have noticed that I more than try to go out of my way to avoid any personal contact outside of my family. If someone calls, I look right at caller ID to see who it is. If it is someone that I know but never calls, I know they are calling to ask me something and I just want to avoid that all together. Not that I don't want to help, I just don't want to talk and pretend that everything is great and try not to sound rude. So my voice machine is my personal assistant who takes my messages and then I relay them to the appropriate person or place.
I also have been known to avoid the door at all costs. Neighborhood kids beware, I know I am the sour mom on the block. Always saying no they can not come inside. Because then that would create mayhem in my perfect bubble I have created for myself. So if it is too nasty outside to play, the kids are stuck inside with themselves as entertainment. I can totally see myself the reclusive old lady in the scary house that chases everyone away. I have always been a private person, but I honestly believe no matter what happens I always try to fix things by myself without even telling anyone that something happened. I know I am turning weird but the most important thing is I love my family and I love the gospel. Once you get behind that thick wall I put up, I can really be a great friend. You just might have to knock really loudly before I answer.
And just as a side note, every time I blog about my feelings it seems I get negative reviews from someone through someone else. If you don't like reading about how I feel just don't read my blog.
9 comments:
its a good thing Im a big guy beacuse you can't withstand a Thor hug!!!
I totally relate. I am all about just keeping to myself and I get really unnerved when the little neighbors show up but I am also so paranoid that I won't let my kids play at anyone else's house. And, Amen to the "if you don't like it, don't read my blog" thing. It is really annoying when people won't even let you express yourself on your own blog. Let's just put up a "No Haters Allowed" sign.
Thor, you USED to be a really big guy. Now your just semi big.
I agree, but I still think Thor could deliver a powerful hug still.
I see that pregnancy is playing with your hormones. It's called antipartum psychosis (a term applied to any mental disorder, but now generally restricted to those disturbances of such magnitude that there is personality disintegration and loss of contact with reality.)
Kory
I am right there with you. I dread when the two neighbor kids want to come and play and I find eevry excuse not to have to go out at night, just stay home and put the kids to bed then turn on the tv and lounge. no wonder I get nothing none.
its ok Kory, I don't think your losing touch with reality :) I dont like things or people to mess up my world either.
I know what it's like to have a hard time with friends. I'm not good at having friends either. And it sounds like to me, from your past posts, that what you really want is to have friends, not be reclusive. So, if that really is what you want, don't say "I'm going to shut out the world", say "I'm going to try harder to make friends". That's what I have to do.
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