I had to look really hard in the mirror today to make sure I was indeed my normal shade of yellow and not green. Even though I don't hold the physical characteristics of a Grinch I am sure if you looked at my heart it might be two sizes too small. I declared yesterday that I was done...yes I actually said that. After Hailey threw up all over the couch that we spent two hours cleaning just days before I was pushed to my mental limits. Of course Corey was not there, working late five days a week and not getting home till 8 I knew where I could find him though. I made a quick call and when he answered I simply said, "Hailey just threw up all over the couch again....I''m done." And then I hung up. As I was using the carpet cleaner to clean the couch again I thought, hmmm I hope Corey doesn't think I am done, as in DONE. I felt like I was though, and I almost had the urge to run screaming from my house pulling my hair. Of course Corey walks in and gently picks up Hailey, gives her a bath because she is still naked from puking all over herself, and gently puts her to bed. (but as a side note she threw up again about 30 minutes later and he had to strip down the bed and recover with plastic and new sheet.) Then he comes and just hugs me and asks if I am ok.
So wonderful husband right? He didn't get mad that I hung up, he didn't reprimand me because believe me I know I was being the biggest jerk ever. He knows me like a book, and knows I get so frustrated that I just need to vent. And he doesn't take it personal. After he was home for just five minutes I felt such a relief off my shoulders and the Grinch receded back into it's little heart for a time.
But then it re-emerges every time the phone rings and I see it is someone from church. I get so spastic about phone calls, because I know someone is wanting something. As a councilor in the R.S. they are supposed to contact me with questions and problems. But see, the Grinch is missing that compassion that is critical for that calling. My only problem is trying to get that love and compassion back and to actually want to help people who are in need. Most of the time I just feel it is inconveniencing my plans and my time. So the big question is how do I kick this Grinch out of here? No more room in the inn I say. (And please don't say do more service because I hear that all the time and I need to know how to want to start doing service.)