Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Mrs. Grinch

I had to look really hard in the mirror today to make sure I was indeed my normal shade of yellow and not green. Even though I don't hold the physical characteristics of a Grinch I am sure if you looked at my heart it might be two sizes too small. I declared yesterday that I was done...yes I actually said that. After Hailey threw up all over the couch that we spent two hours cleaning just days before I was pushed to my mental limits. Of course Corey was not there, working late five days a week and not getting home till 8 I knew where I could find him though. I made a quick call and when he answered I simply said, "Hailey just threw up all over the couch again....I''m done." And then I hung up. As I was using the carpet cleaner to clean the couch again I thought, hmmm I hope Corey doesn't think I am done, as in DONE. I felt like I was though, and I almost had the urge to run screaming from my house pulling my hair. Of course Corey walks in and gently picks up Hailey, gives her a bath because she is still naked from puking all over herself, and gently puts her to bed. (but as a side note she threw up again about 30 minutes later and he had to strip down the bed and recover with plastic and new sheet.) Then he comes and just hugs me and asks if I am ok.

So wonderful husband right? He didn't get mad that I hung up, he didn't reprimand me because believe me I know I was being the biggest jerk ever. He knows me like a book, and knows I get so frustrated that I just need to vent. And he doesn't take it personal. After he was home for just five minutes I felt such a relief off my shoulders and the Grinch receded back into it's little heart for a time.

But then it re-emerges every time the phone rings and I see it is someone from church. I get so spastic about phone calls, because I know someone is wanting something. As a councilor in the R.S. they are supposed to contact me with questions and problems. But see, the Grinch is missing that compassion that is critical for that calling. My only problem is trying to get that love and compassion back and to actually want to help people who are in need. Most of the time I just feel it is inconveniencing my plans and my time. So the big question is how do I kick this Grinch out of here? No more room in the inn I say. (And please don't say do more service because I hear that all the time and I need to know how to want to start doing service.)


Seth and Julie said...

Thank goodness you have a great husband, right? I had a similar breakdown on Monday and I was so grateful that I have someone who can take over when that happens. We are very blessed!

As for service, that one is hard for me too. I like to serve once I do it, or if it is my own idea, but I also think it is hard to get called out of the blue and drop your whole life. Also, like you, I don't ask other people to do anything for me, so it baffles me when people ask for help with every little thing. I guess my advice would be to do the things you are good at. I volunteer to make meals for people, or babysit kids a lot because those are things I know I can do and will fit in my schedule. I don't offer to drive people to and from the temple because I don't even have time to get myself to and from the temple. I love that our church encourages service, but we also need to teach others to be self reliant. Your life is as busy as anyone else's and if someone doesn't have time to do their own dishes, odds are you don't have time to do both their dishes and your own too. Do what you can. Pray about it, dig deep and offer as much as you can, without draining your own well. I don't envy you that calling!

Sally said...

Your not the only one who carries the Grinch around with them. If you ask Josh he would probably say my Grinch is out most of the time these days. I've been praying about it a lot lately, but I know it's my attitude that's still keeping me from being happy. So, when you figure it out please let me know!!!

britta said...

You do tons of service everyday.. you are a mom to 4 children. :)

melissa said...

I think everyone feels that way sometimes. Thank goodness for husbands, right? Beau definately knows how to handle my bad moods and make me feel better!

Anonymous said...

Eat Chocolate - dark chocolate.

The Thompson Family said...

You probably do more than you realize with service. I agree that you have a wonderful husband you are also such a good and wonderful Mom. Love you Kory Jane.