Baby Blues

I have not done a good job of keeping up with posts have I?  Time just keeps slipping away from me, as I told me Mom the other day.  It is like I live in this WY bubble.  I really don't leave the house that often because it is too cold, and living in a tiny town doesn't give you much reason to leave anyways.  This also doesn't help my feelings of the baby blues lately....

I know this is normal, don't worry I am not about to drive off a bridge or anything but I find that I get upset really easy and just burst into tears.  This happened last night as I was trying to get Danni ready for bed.  Hailey came down with flu like symptoms and last night it seemed to peak.  So Corey was playing Xbox and when he does get on (which is not a lot lately) he zones out.  So I had Hailey burning with a fever and crying for comfort while I had Danni crying because she was in a poopy diaper and I also had to give her a bath.  It doesn't help that she is slightly grumpy in the evenings as well.  So I felt like I was stretched way too thin.  Add on top of that the fact I haven't been sleeping much with a new baby and a sick 4 year old.  Then I have been stressing about Danni getting this flu bug from Hailey and not even 3 weeks old it would be so horrible for her.  I was done...done done.

I wanted to just burst out crying but I didn't want the kids to see me getting upset.  They probably think I am a basket case here lately anyways.  And to make matters worse when you think that you have it the worst you are reminded that your life is really not that bad.  I saw a video posted on Facebook from brother Holland I believe talking about climbing mountains and facing challenges.  I can say I let myself cry while watching this.  I feel better for two reasons: 1. like I said I realize that compared to what others are facing mine is a grain of salt so I need to look at the positive in my life. 2. it made me realize that I need to pray more often and rely on my Heavenly Father for comfort and support.  I can't do things on my own all the time.  And I always feel like I need to do things by myself with no help.  This also goes toward things going on in my life.  I need to let Corey take charge sometimes and I need to make the kids do more for me.  I also need to remember that it isn't the end of the world if my kitchen and bathrooms don't get a deep cleaning every week.  Life will not end if I don't.

You would think after 4 kids having one more would be easy.  But I find that having Danni has been the most challenging for me.  Physically and emotionally.  Obviously I have lots I need to learn and grow from.....

First Two Weeks of Danni

 

I know everyone will be tired of seeing post about Danni...but how can you not help but post about a new life brought into this world.  The trauma of the labor is slowly fading and in its place is an emotion of awe for me.  There is nothing better than holding your child as they make that first entrance into this mortal life.  I know Danni was meant to be ours and I feel very humbled to have been given the inspiration to have her.  How empty our life would have been without her. 

 

After two weeks of life Danni is thriving.  She loves to eat and can down her food in no time flat.  Of course this makes for manly burps on her part.  She is good natured most of the time, except for her grumpy time at night.  She HATES her bath time but loves to be wrapped and cuddled.  She loves to stare at things for extended periods of time and I know this is impossible but I swear she has smiled at me a couple of times, wide awake with no gas going.  My mom can attest to that because she was here for 2 of them.  I guess I need to update my pictures!!!

 

 Hanging in the warmer...she did well.

 Most recent pic, trying to calm her grumpy upset stomach.

 Corey took this, fat face picture.

 In the hospital 2 days old.

 After first feeding, look at those poor bruises all over her face.

 The best part...holding her after the labor was amazing.

She was so worth it!!!

Danni Renee Esquibel

 

Welcome to the family Danni Renee Esquibel

 

 

 

Danni was born on February 6th 2013 at 3:16pm.  She weighed 7lbs 9oz and was 20 inches long.  I went in with expectations of coming away feeling empowered and able.  It did not turn out that way.

I decided not to do pain meds this time and try to do it natural.  I read up on it for months preparing myself and trying to learn as much as possible.  At 40 weeks I still had no contractions so I was scheduled for an induction.  I could tell I was close, but for some reason my body was being stubborn.  So I went in and all my Dr. did was break my water.  I started having good contractions and I have to admit they were bearable at first.  I got all the way to 8cm and was thinking this was going to be a piece of cake.  Well if you have had a baby you know once you reach this point, it is a point of no return for pain meds.  I stayed at about an 8 for 2 hours and my dr. said to just give me a pinch of pit to get things going.  For about 15 minute the contractions were hard and raw and hurt so bad.  I could feel my body trying to get Danni down but nothing was happening.  We later learned why.

Finally I was completely dilated and was told to start pushing.  I did and I was pushing through the contraction because it was hurting less to push through them.  Once the Dr. had a visual he told me to stop pushing.  He said when she started coming out all he saw was a face.  Which if you look up is face presentation.  So he had to push her back in with forceps and correct her over extended head.  Well she was also coming face up so I had to try and push her out that way also.  I just remember yelling at the dr that I was pushing and she wasn't coming out.  I could feel her right there and I just couldn't get her past that last bit.  He finally had to put the vacuum on her head to help me.  Corey said he will never forget watching the tearing as she was coming out.  He described it as opening a band-aid wrapper. 

I have to admit this was the most painful thing I have ever gone through.  I would take the epidural next time for sure.  My dr. assured me if she came out like she was supposed to, I would have delivered her hours earlier and with ease.  But all I can do is think about the pain and feeling helpless to get her out of my body.  She is so beautiful though and she is healthy and strong.  No problems with her spine even though her head was extended to her back coming out.  I feel so blessed as this could have turned out horribly wrong.  

If you look at the picture you can see all the bruising she had to her face.  She looks more like a boxer than a sweet baby.  But she has a very mild temperament unless you don't let her nurse when she wants.  Breastfeeding is work and I won't deny I have thought about just going formula but I know it will be worth it to stick it out.  But we are so thankful for her sweet spirit and how much she will add to our family.