Down and Out

Sitting in bed two nights ago I didn't even realize how down I was until Corey asked if I was ok.  He really is such a great loving husband and can tell sooner than I realize that I am getting down in the dumps again.  It was a much needed relief to have it out in the open that I was going down road of blues as I like to call it.  Now I am usually not one who suffers from any sort of depression.  I never even thought about it.  But after having Danni something happened probably with my hormones and the fact that my life has changed so dramatically that I notice myself getting blue more often then not.  On top of that is my own problem with trying to be a certain way physically that no one else cares about but myself it seems.  I am guessing that is why I haven't been up to blogging, haven't really been up to much of anything.  So I know, why am I blogging about it?

For me it feels better to talk about it and since Douglas is so small and I really don't have too many good friends here like I did in my other places this is my place to vent.  I can't even say how much I miss my dear friends Jenn and Christy.  I was always with one of them and I miss that so much.  The hardest thing is the fact that Danni is really time consuming.  She whines most of the day and has to constantly be in motion.  It exhausts me by the end of the day.  Some days I just feel like bursting out in tears because I have no time of my own.  And Corey gets frustrated with her because she cries a lot so he will only hold her for a small bit when he gets home and then hands her back.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change having her for the world, but I miss having just me time.  She doesn't even nap that well either which gives me even less time.  Combine all this with 4 kids all home all day in summer and you have one ticking time bomb.  I try to stay upbeat but there are days where it is just too much effort.  And running which gives me more energy and really makes me feel better has become harder because Corey always has to leave early it seems so I have to get up at 4am to get my run in before Danni wakes up.

The only comfort I get is when I went grocery shopping yesterday and had kids all over the little old lady looked at me and just said, "cheer up, this wont' last forever.  Soon they will grow up and you will miss this moment.  Trust me."  So I will just plug along trying to be brave for my kids and trying not to get frustrated or angry with them when it is all just my internal dialogue causing the problem.  School should help........