Perception of Self

Some years back there was a talk given by Jeffery R. Holland and while reading Facebook today I came across an article posted by a friend.  It regards the use of plastic surgery in Utah and how it is the state with the highest amount done.  I read the article, but what I found truly wonderful to me was the reference to this same talk.  I have read it before, I received it from my Mom with I know the hope it would awaken something inside of me.  I did read it, and I did feel I needed to change my outlook on some things but I am stubborn and didn't want to.  As I read the talk again I wanted to post a little bit:

In terms of preoccupation with self and a fixation on the physical, this is more than social insanity; it is spiritually destructive, and it accounts for much of the unhappiness women, including young women, face in the modern world. And if adults are preoccupied with appearance—tucking and nipping and implanting and remodeling everything that can be remodeled—those pressures and anxieties will certainly seep through to children. At some point the problem becomes what the Book of Mormon called “vain imaginations.”¹¹ And in secular society both vanity and imagination run wild. One would truly need a great and spacious makeup kit to compete with beauty as portrayed in media all around us. Yet at the end of the day there would still be those “in the attitude of mocking and pointing their fingers” as Lehi saw,¹² because however much one tries in the world of glamour and fashion, it will never be glamorous enough.

A woman not of our faith once wrote something to the effect that in her years of working with beautiful women she had seen several things they all had in common, and not one of them had anything to do with sizes and shapes. She said the loveliest women she had known had a glow of health, a warm personality, a love of learning, stability of character, and integrity. If we may add the sweet and gentle Spirit of the Lord carried by such a woman, then this describes the loveliness of women in any age or time, every element of which is emphasized in and attainable through the blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I have found this statement to be so true in my life.  For the past couple of years I have had so much unhappiness because of what I deemed was beautiful in the world.  I wanted to be accepted for some odd reason and my thought was if I was a size 2 then people would look at me and think I was beautiful and so much more.  But I am finding of late a new sense of myself.  Chalk it up to increased scripture reading, prayer or the fact that I have been so lonesome I have turned to my Savior for solace.  What I do know is I have never felt so loved by my Savior as I have the past couple of days.  He has touched me again and again with experiences that are shaping me.  I have been so consumed with calories, exercise that I have let some precious years slip by me with regards to my kids.  The world has stolen the impressionable period in my kids lives that I can't get back.  I regret it so much, yet I know that I can still correct some damage that was done.

Lexie turns 7 tomorrow and I have noticed in this past year her preoccupation with her body image already.  At 7!!!  She is always asking me if she is skinny, if her belly sticks out or if she is beautiful.  How can she not be beautiful???  Intelligent, kind, caring, wants to please and help everyone.  She is so beautiful and she is also stunning on the outside.  How in the world could she not see that?  It is because of my selfish obsession with me that she has started so early.  It is amazing what your children will pick up on without you even knowing.

So as I have cried it seems as the past  2 weeks about different things that I have felt.  Most have been wonderful spiritual things that have made me realize change is in order.  I challenge everyone to strive to see beauty for what it is.  How you know yourself to be and what you can give to others.  I am beyond grateful for Apostles and Prophets who continue to guide me through this life.  If you want to read the whole talk I have included the link at the bottom.

http://www.lds.org/ensign/2005/11/to-young-women?lang=eng