The View from Up Here

I have had the best view lately....

What is the best word to describe how I have been feeling....umm how about crap.  If I throw up just once a day it is considered a good one.  And this has been going on now for a month and a half now and I am just so sick of being sick.  I try so hard to eat, but my efforts are in vain and I just get so frustrated.  In these 6 weeks I have lost about 7 pounds and I just keep praying that the 2nd trimester will get here sooner or later.  I am 11 weeks now and so let's just hope within the next week or so the nausea will let up.  I am going to Utah to see my family in about a week and I really want to feel great while I am there.  I don't get these opportunities that often.  I wanted to blog this so later on down the road I will remember how miserable I was and know that if it wasn't our thought before it is now that this is the last one.  I swear this baby is already torturing me.  And I have no idea if I am so sick because I am older than I was with the others.  All I know is I want the yuckies gone.



Here are the pictures I took at 11 weeks.  Yup, can't even tell that I am pregnant but man do I feel it.

News...

This post is special to me...if anything it is because of how it came about.  About 4 months ago there was a baby blessing in our church.  I have been to tons of these so it wasn't just the baby.  But I got the distinct impression that I needed to have another baby.  I told Corey and he told me it would pass.  I agreed with him, but then it just got worse.  I couldn't stop thinking about it.  And I knew if I didn't follow this then I might wonder the rest of my life what if....

So after a month of trying to get my husbands permission, because I would never do this behind his back, I had the IUD taken out.  I was prepared to try for awhile considering I never had a period and I was running and training for a marathon.  You will not believe what happened....

Needless to say I still never had a period and got my little baby right away.  I have been pretty sick but grateful.  The Dr. said the heart rate was wonderful and that it looked perfect.  So due date set for Feb. 6th.  Looks like this will be an interesting next couple of years.

Kid Worry

Have you ever looked at your kids and tried to imagine what they will be like when they are teenagers?  Or even into adulthood?  I do this all the time, and sometimes I get really scared for the future.  How can you alter something that seems so inbred into their personality?  And I also wonder at how different each little soul is.  And how stressful to know you have to basically raise each one differently?  You don't go into motherhood thinking each one will require different degrees of attention and punishments.

Lets just start with Hailey.  She really is such an easy going kid.  I am still having a hard time figuring her out.  She is in the cute stage where even the naughty things are cute.  They always grow out of this stage, but for now I am just enjoying it.  Corey and I rarely get steaming mad at her.  So when we do raise our voice (especially daddy) she cries like a banshee and runs into her room.  She does have a hard time knowing what no means and will test the limits.  But point in fact the whole family spoils her and loves her.  She really has brought so much unity to our brood.

Aww yes Lexie girl.  She has some major attitude.  I know girls are girls and drama is always on the menu but still she is a little extreme sometimes.  She plays up everything as being 100 times worse than it really is.  And to tell you the truth she has been grounded more than all the other kids combined.  I think I have a hard time because she requires so much attention.  My mom tells me I was like this and I could be exhausting.  I guess what goes around comes around.  She is a work in progress for me.  I should have the patience of a saint by the time she is in college.  But she has a kind heart and loves to do things for others.  She is always aware of peoples feelings and that is a beautiful quality to have.

(insert heavy metal music here) presenting our wild crazy man of the house.  From birth he has been just extreme.  He walked at 9 months and hasn't stopped since.  This kid is so defiant and the worst part is he really doesn't care that much if he gets caught.  I am already having to ground him for swear words when he gets upset.  He hates to be bad at something and will either quit or be really good at it and rub it into everyone face.  Soccer this year was interesting.  He made sure everyone knew if they were not doing their part.  He is the hardest to punish because he just doesn't care.  But he is hardcore for everything and that also means the good.  He is a hard worker and will go above and beyond the other kids.  He loves me ALOT and I know this by his gestures and the kind and loving notes he will write me.  He is a closet lover and doesn't want anyone to know what a gentle and loving heart he has.  He may not love everyone but if he ends up loving you, it will be an ally for life.  Great potential if I can just harness it in the right direction.

My firstborn and my gentlest.  He has also been like this from the start.  In fact he often reminds me of my older brother Thor.  He feels other peoples pain and he always tries to help.  On the soccer field he is the one who will go and help the opposite team if they fall down and get hurt.  Dry their tears and give them a pat on the shoulder and ask if they are ok.  He has done this every year that he plays a sport.  He is the peacemaker in my home and will settle disputes between Lexie and Gabe which happen on a daily basis.  And he is the easiest one to punish.  All I have to do is talk to him about what he did and even hint that I am disappointed and he gets those huge tears and tells me he is sorry.  He is always the first to thank me for things that I do for them.  I probably don't give him enough attention, but it is easy because he doesn't really require that much.  So I have to make sure I let him know how much I appreciate everything he does.

So what about your kids?  How would you define them?

Memorial Day Weekend

First I wanted to start off with the fact that I was taught a really good lesson this weekend while visiting my brother Thor in Utah.  We were there while Home Teachers came over and he talked about the importance of journals.  This made me feel very guilty for the fact that I have been horrible about it.  And what better way to do this than to blog?  So I feel a determination to do better if anything so I can get this blog printed off eventually and have them for my kids and their kids to read.

On Friday we took off right after the kids got out of their last day of school.  It was a half day so it worked out perfect.  Corey took half a day off as well and we loaded up and drove to Utah.  I have to say that 6 hours driving through Wyoming is not the most scenic route, but it is so much closer than we used to be and it was so worth it.  We arrived at my brother's house about 7:30 and had time to eat and basically talk for a couple of hours.  The kids hit it off right away and they played until bedtime.

Saturday we woke up early and Thor and Corey joined me for a run.  I was so impressed with both guys for their endurance.  We pushed each other and got a good time in.  Corey can be super competitive and there was no way I was going to slow down for him.  The weather was pretty crappy that day.  Cold and windy and rainy.  I think it followed us from Wyoming.  We attempted to hit the airshow at Hill Airforce base but by the time we parked and walked and went through the metal detectors it started getting really cold and windy.  We tried to huddle in the airplane hanger but decided we should just call it quits.  So as we are walking the long distance back to the car the clouds and wind let loose and we get drenched.  There was not a dry part on any of us.  And the since everyone else wanted to leave at the same time we spend an hour and a half driving 1 mile to get out of there.  I didn't take my camera because I was scared of it getting wet, and I was sure glad I didn't.  We decided to hang out at the mall for a bit and then we went to my Aunt Becky and Uncle Craigs for a BBQ.  I got to see all of Becky's kids and it was so much fun.  We also got to see Grandma and Grandpa Wilcox.  We ate so much good food and played soccer with this huge yellow lawn ball.  We played for like two hours and had the best time.  Although at some point all the little kids got hurt.  I think everyone was pretty sore the next day.  I didn't get pictures of this either because I was playing.

Sunday we drove down to see my Grandma Rollins who we haven't seen in awhile.  It was so good to see her and spend some time with her.  She is such a sweet lady and loves her family.  And all 120 something of her great grandchildren.

After Grandma we drove up to see Jordan (Corey's Brother) and he made us lunch.  It was so delicious.  The kids had fun chasing all 5 of their dogs around the house.  We went back to Thor's and had dinner and just lounged with a movie.  We were exhausted.

On Monday Corey was determined to go golfing, so he took off with Thor, Craig and Jordan and left us to our own devices.  The park was in order.  It was a much nicer day than the past two.  I know my mom thinks I favor Gabe because I have lots of pictures of him, but he is just so fun to photograph.  He makes the best faces.  He was really fun on the swing.

They had ducks and all sorts of bird as well.  Jenn was prepared and brought lots of bread.  It was gone in no time.

Gabe decided to use some not appropriate language this past weekend and so I took some of his privileges away.  This was a picture of him afterwards.  He was not so fun to photograph.

The kids played for awhile and it was not too crowded for a Utah park.  I was so tired of all the people though by the third day.  I was almost ready to get back to the slow pace of little Douglas.  Funny how we get used to things.

Lexie loved the piano.  She really wants to learn to play but we can't get one until we get the basement finished so we can move stuff down there to make room for it.  I am pretty sure she will be a great pianist when she does start.

And of course what could a night be without some Call of Duty Online.  Thor pulled this little bench out and he and Corey sat on it while they played.  It looked so cute I had to snap a picture.

 Before we knew it, we had to get back for Corey to go to work the next day.  We were sad to leave our family and Thor is such a great guy to be around you really do miss him the second you are gone.  I call him my big teddy bear and no one can give a hug as well as he can.  I should take him to the mall and charge for hugs and the funny thing is I think I would make a killing off of it.  Hopefully we will be able to make it down more often. 

Early this week I was sitting at home bored out of my mind and I just got the urge to take some pictures.  I am totally in love with my new camera and I am always up to using it.  I had read about an old Pioneer cemetery outside of town here.  I got Hailey dressed up in her pioneer garb and packed up to go get some shots.  It really was cold and windy that day but Hailey didn't seem to mind.  She is getting used to me being in her face with the camera all the time.  I took almost 100 shots and I found some that I thought turned out pretty good.

The cemetery is a sorry little thing.  Most of the headstones are missing or barely there.  Some of the graves are just marked with an old piece of petrified wood.  The other unmarked graves were just with metal crosses.  It made me sad to think that these people are well forgotten.  No flowers and dried weeds piled up everywhere.  I think I might return with some flowers in a month or so.  There was a small grave stone for a 3 year old child and that made me even more sad.  But the clouds made for some great pictures I thought.  Even ugly Wyoming has some beauty to it.

Grateful

As I mentioned in one of my last post, we took a trip down to the Denver temple to go through a session.  Since Corey and I have been married we have been to the temple several times.  We went the most when we lived in Phoenix before we had kids.  At least once a month we went sometimes twice.  I loved the Mesa temple.  Since kids have come along we have tried to go, but it hasn't been as frequent as we liked.  We took for granted the fact the temple was only an hour and half away in Washington D.C. and then about the same for Oklahoma City when we lived there.  So upon moving here and knowing that it is 4 hours one way to either the Denver or Billings temple made me realize how wonderful we really had it. 

We made some really great friends here, the Perry's.  They are so cute and have 4 kids that are staggered right along with ours.  They love playing together and it seems they always want to go over to each others houses.  Upon getting to know them better we found out they just got sealed as a family in the temple 4 years ago.  Their smallest was just a baby and since the sealing they haven't had the opportunity to go back.  So it was such a special experience from my point of view to go with them.

You could just see the awe factor still in play and as we go through the temple I think we get used to it and forget just how wonderful everything is.  It was the sweetest thing I have seen in a long time.  As we were sitting in the Celestial room I look over and see them close together with their heads touching.  Eyes closed and tears.  It really was beautiful.  And it made me remember and realize just how lucky we truly are for the Gospel.  I have always had it, so I always assume my life is like others.  But to see someone who knows first hand the difference before and after is just awe inspiring.  It gave me that extra kick I needed to go through with some stuff that I have been putting on the back burner.  As I was laying in bed last night I was putting things into plan mode and I got really scared.  Scared for change, scared for the unknown.  And I could feel myself starting to talk myself out of it.  But then the thought came to mind that fear is not part of Heavenly Father's plan.  It is Satan who wants us to fear.  If I truly trust and put my faith in my Heavenly Father and my Savior all will be right.  It will be interesting to see what the future holds.

Easter Morning

I read something in the Ensign the other day and I was impressed with what was said.  This woman celebrated the Easter Bunny Easter on "Secular Saturday" before.  Then on Sunday it was the day to remember our Saviour and the Crucifixion and the resurrection.  It was too late to implement this year, seeing as the Easter bunny missed Saturday, but next year I plan on doing it that way.  Complete with lesson of our Savior.

It was about 5:30am that I hear Lexie yell it is time to get up and find the baskets.  I was so dead tired from our temple trip the day before, but some how she found the energy to be up and going.  The boys soon followed and it was so funny to hear the conversations on serious basket finding.  Everyone found their loot and of course all the bunny poop (jelly beans) laying around the house as well.  Let's just say breakfast consisted of all sugar this year. 

I also love Easter for the fact the girls get new dresses.  I LOVE cute dresses for church.  I buy way too many for the girls and this year I felt bad because the boys asked what about them.  So I got the girls dresses and the boys sweater vests.  My kids looked so dang cute this morning.  I was one proud mama.

 Gotta have one with the silly face.

 Her hair turned out so cute.

 She has the best expressions.  This is so her.

 She did this pose all by herself.  Put some sass in it.

 Along with candy she got Littlest Pet Shops.

 This was actually one of the better smiles.

 Mr. tall and lanky.

 Logan got the travel game of Trouble with his candy.

 This is how it normally is at the Esquibel house.

 Don't even need to have words for this.

 Bright and early this morning.

 Gabe got a 100 piece puzzle. 

 Yes!!  Finally a picture that he is looking normal.  How handsome.

 This was more like it though....

 Sisters...and juice.  Can't part with the juice.

 Hailey posing, I have no idea what she was doing.

 Hailey got a Dora puzzle, but that mess behind her is all her doing.

I feel so blessed to have such adorable, loving, crazy kids that love me.